The road to redemption is long and toiling.My soul has gone weary,my heart weak.The wings that lifted me up had betrayed me.With broken and torn wings I tried to rise above the storm...over and over.Defeat and death were right before my eyes.My silent screams and dry tears had remained concealed.I just can't show it...but I was hoping that a friend would see beyond the aura of control and freedom!
I was in bondage of my own prison...I was behind bars that robbed me of my freedom.I was in chains of blissful misery.The fear of breaking free was too unbearable.I WAS AFRAID OF FREEDOM...I was not ready to take the burden of freedom...freedom would mean losing the meaning of my surrender!
But I had been here before.And I should have known I needed to embrace my shadow...the destroyer of my sanity.I have plunged into the dark side of my own humanity before but I know there's so much more of the unknown.I am lamed by my fears.Fear that I might never come out of the pitch.But I know myself somehow.The delay doesn't mean I won't take the jump.
All I needed was a greater fear...a fear that is far more terrifying than my fear of losing meaning.Existing in two worlds,my inner phantom and my objective pilgrimage, half-hearted was never appealing.I needed to be whole...then the fear of giving up on my search for deeper meaning revelled with my fear of losing what I had previously found.
Then I broke into tears.Shed off my torn wings.Gave up my heart.Set my soul free.I let the fires devour the very essence of me until there was nothing left of me but ashes.The flames were fierce but by allowing myself to be burnt its blazing strength had become part of each and every particle of the ashes I've left.By losing everything,I have been redeemed.
The Phoenix has resurrected!
October 19, 2010
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